HEADERS BANNED IN FOOTBALL SPARKS DEBATE TO MAKE CONKERS THE UK NATIONAL SPORT

The FA’s decision to ban heading in training for children under the age of 12 has revived the Conker Federation’s plans to return conkers to the top spot in UK sport. The campaign had already been gathering momentum after the England cricket team were told to stop playing football when Burns was injured in a kickabout.

The latest news is another blow to football. Sebastian McFufflenut, Communications Manager for the Conker Federation, said: “This is great news for conkers. We have been waiting for football to show its weakness, and now is our chance to get Nut Sports back on the map.”

It is widely, and incorrectly, reported that schools were instructed, in the name of political correctness, to ban conkers or to require players to wear protective goggles. In reality, conkers is a safe sport, provided contenders do not become complacent. Conker Cup and Nut Corp have carried out extensive research into conker injuries. Most take the form of bruising to the forearm, as a result of over-swinging, which is why Nut Corp launched the Nut Deflector Arm Protector.

Has football had its day?