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Emergency Conker Boxes

Berkshire pensioner Tony Hill has set about installing Emergency Conker Boxes in his town after an embarrassing encounter with local gang.


Mr Hill was walking home after an evening of drinking at the local pub, when he stumbled across a group of local youths playing conkers on the street corner. Far from being intimidated Mr Hill strutted toward the group despite jeers of “we don’t play with low hanging nuts old man” and “keep walking you codger”. As he neared the gang Mr Hill claimed that he reached into his jacket pocket, where he normally has a stringed conker ready to go, to his horror it was missing. “I just don’t understand it” said Mr Hill, “I always have a pocket full of conkers, I play with the nuts as I walk”. Upon reaching the now excitable youths Mr Hill had to sheepishly lower his head and shuffle off. “I have never been so embarrassed in my life” he exclaimed, “I walked home feeling like a coward”.


As a former engineer Mr Hill went straight to his tool shed and began constructing a prototype Emergency Conker Box (ECB). “I never want to be in that situation again, I believe that there should be a conker within reach of anyone in need”. Mr Hill went on to explain that by installing these ECBs throughout the country, if a spontaneous conker matches break out, a standard nut, knot and lace set up can be accessed by simply smashing the glass in the ECB. Although Mr Hill has sought investment from local businesses, to fund the roll out of ECBs, to date no deal has been done. Currently there are two active ECBs that Mr Hill has funded himself, so far there has been no need to access the waiting conkers.




If you have access to funds please do get in touch so that Mr Hill can begin the national rollout.

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